Entries by lhlmm

In The Land Before Time

◔ I feel like I'm dreaming those years, the years BCE. "In the land before time it happened that the leaves began to die." I am pressed against my father on the couch in our first house. I see the two of us in the long front window. The colors of The Land Before Time […]

What Do Ghosts Dream?

◔ Did I dream it, all of it? No, I Google The Land Before Time and there it is again. Littlefoot. The treestar. Cera the Threehorn. Cera was born without fear. I was Cera once. Where did that go? Everything changed the year I turned ten. The Lost Year. I don't remember much from that […]

The End

◔ This is the Fourth of July in the year 8 C.E., the eighth year of the Court Era. My graduation was two weeks ago today. My high school years my father lived three minutes from me and came to everything at my school, except the six months he turned sixty-two in jail. Yeah, he […]

Where This Began

◔ Just before he died he sent an email saying there might be college money from some of his software. He copied an old friend, also John, saying John could help me. I didn't reply. John wrote from Colombia where he had built a house in the mountains. My father had just died but John […]

The Grinding Ghost

◔ Why couldn't he just live with our court order and make the most of it? Because my mother had sworn to cut him out of my life. That I could believe. Except for the details I basically knew that. She swore it in a slow cold voice six months before she went to court […]

Lost Year Found

◔ I thought this would be two or three weeks of notes but it turned into fourteen months and a book it looks like. I never expected anything like this and I still can't believe it. When I found that Lost Year I saw my old self again, how I was then. If I let […]

Final Appeal

◔ So here's how I went through this. It's not the best but it's what I could do. I knew I couldn't make one story out of everything. It's too much for me. Instead I did it like Rashomon, the movie. I made a list of questions I had, then I got answers from the […]

Through the Ether

◔ This is also me learning how to do this, how to sort out all the stories, and then at the end wondering how people can live with so many wrong stories. People grab onto wrong stories and can't be pried loose, the way a drowning guy clings to a floating ice chest from a […]


◔ Could what happened to me happen to you? In the BCE years I didn't think so. I didn't think to ask. I didn't know to wonder. My father would have been a good teacher. Everyone asked why he never went into that, it was so obvious and perfect for him. Like my favorite movie […]

White Trail ◔ Black Trail ◕

◔ My advisor Mr Cionte said I kept bringing him more and more about my father, his riddles and what he taught me, but I avoided the court case that took him from me. I could go on that way forever, and never come to the end. MR CIONTE (laughing) You don't want people saying […]